You think you found the love of your life then one day when your 7 months pregnant things suddenly change your husband starts staying out all night at first then since we lived in a boarding house the door starts to be padlocked from the outside leaving you trapped inside wandering how am i going to wash up or use the bathroom luckiy there is a sink with cold running water and a hotplate so you warm up the water and you bathe you find whatever is available to use the bathroom when you have too you watch tv and go to sleep what else is a pregnant woman to do when trapped in her own house. Then along comes the most beautiful baby girl and you have to go back to work because your husband cant seem to keep a job and there is a baby and bills to be paid. Your left to find a baby sitter and a way to work when there is only one car you hope that your husband picks up the baby only later to find out that your precious bundle of joy wasnt picked up untill one to two hours before you got off work then the time comes to go home and you sit and wait for your husband to come you have no other way home so you wait 2 to 4 long hours only to have a husband show up drunk and your baby is in the car you say something and you get smacked and told to shut up or else the more you protest the more often you got hit so you quit saying things but you know what you still get hit anyway. Finally you gather enough money for a second car so worries of a ride to and from work is over but the worry of when he picks the baby up still there and you have to hear it from the baby sitter you go through several ones and it only gets worse you know things have to change but you love them and you tell yourself it will get better it doesnt. you come home from work your husband is on the porch drunk you go inside unlock the room door to find your baby screaming soaking wet and hungry you say something you get thrown up against the wall get knocked out then comes the greatest strength of them all a mothers love you get stabbed while getting the baby out of his arms while he is holding a hunters knife you run fast as you can get into the car but not fast enough he is on the hood of the car trying to kill me you take off fast as you can throw him off but after riding around trying to figure out what to do you still love him you go back only to find him even more angry and attempts to kill me again you speed off people every where yelling dude leave her alone get off the car then you snap you stop to let him off one foot on brake one on gas he gets off then out of nowhere you run him over to get to freedom only he is too drunk and stoned to feel a thing and doesnt even remember doing it.

Years later the beautiful little girl turns 5 no father to be seen or heard of you meet someone you think is wonderful and you marry him and you are pregnant. you have a nice marriage at first you thought but the insults on how big my butt was is coming more often making you feel ugly and fat but you love him and you love the unborn child so you dismiss it as the years go by the insults and accusations and yes some hittings your still with him for by this time your afraid of him because no matter what you say or do it just simply isnt good enough or clean enough for him you get phone calls all day long checking up on you, trips to the store is timed and if taken too long  you get criticized and accused of having an affair you get yelled at for the least little thing forced to help with remodeling and you know nothing about it forced to work on cars you know only a little about it your husband has a short temper things dont go right you have tools,toys,dishes or whatever is available thrown at you sometimes contact is made other times you just hear the whizz of it going past your ear but yet you still love him you know what you have to do your scared confused self esteem destroyed it only gets worse 12 years this went on you have a third child by this time children are being woke up to witness their father ridicule and humiliate their mother making them think she is a bad mother he tells them if your mama dont lose weight im divorcing her besides i have someone else waiting your shattered at this time you feel stuck lonely,confused scared dont know what to do but yet you do know what to do just dont know how to do it you go to the help that is suppose to be out there and they tell you unless we see he hurt you go home so your thinking how do you prove your mind is messed up at this point you still love him so you stay then one day someone shows you a little attention you make a mistake you have an 2 week affair big mistake made things worse at home never cheated before was the first and last time i tell you get a gun pulled on you ,you get smacked so hard you fall over the bed natural reflex you hit back then when you pick up the phone they tell you go ahead gurantee you are the one going to jail not me, he shows up at your work humilates you in front of the customers management throws him out he comes back by this time you have gotten stronger and started hating him the kids are begging you to leave daddy is mean mama so one day you pack up and leave you take half of the income tax refund and you leave several states away another big mistake but you were thinking of your children and your safety it back fires he lies to courts and comes takes the kids away you want to go with them but you know the abuse will start all over you go to court with proof he is abusive to the kids only to have it dismissed on technicality on their behalf they made a mistake and let him keep the kids quite simply a cover up for their mistakes which i have to pay for you want to be with you kids so bad but you dont want to be with him nor live near him you have no money and have to travel to the state your from to fight it not to mention need a lawyer so you have no choice continue living where you are it back fires too as time goes on he works on the kids minds sets traps to make me look like the bad mom he wants them to think then visits with them come far and few calls all but stop because you got behind in childsupport you get told catch up you can talk and see them again you have no money have to go to the state they are in hire a lawyer  so what can you do go on as usual in pain every day depression sets in severely, health starts to effect your work next thing you know your disabled cant work cant pay child support your ex wont let you see nor talk to the kids they want nothing to do with you he wont allow modification in child support you get further behind threatened jail time twice so one day he give ultimatum give up your rights let his wife adopt the one minor child left other one is grown and he will give up all past and future support. what choice did i have had to do it didnt want to go to jail never done any crime much less jail time before my son couldnt keep going through this anymore each call i was allowed the ex set an argument up and waited for my response gave the phone to my son so he can hear what good was that doing him none it hurts him so out of love for my son and wanting to take his pain away i did it.